Goodbye (Finally)

After jumping back and forth about when Jonathan was really leaving for Indianna, we have finally said our true goodbye.  It was more difficult this time for some reason.  There were actually some tears and it was really hard to drive away.  It seems like such a long drive to Macon but it was even longer in the silence (once Caitlyn fell asleep, anyway).  I keep telling myself that this deployment will be over before we know it but it is only just begining!  I miss him so much already.  The first deployment was so much different for us.  We hadn't yet bonded like we have now.  We had yet to even live together for more than two weeks before he came home in 2006.  We've now had almost 3 years of bonding, ups and downs, and time to realize just how much we love one another.  Though much of the time was broken up by Jonathan being sent away for MOS schools and training, we still grew stronger as the months went by.  Each goodbye got easier though, nothing was easy while I was pregnant.  We hit a really rough patch but came through it stronger than ever and we've only been growing closer ever since.  I feel so connected to Jonathan and part of me is afraid that our time apart will cause us to lose this connection.  I know that we can always get it back if we do but I also know that I am going to try with all my might to keep it together.  

The one thing that has brought us together more than anything else is Caitlyn.  I see how Jonathan is with her and I cannot help but be amazed and fall even more in love with him.  Even as he was saying goodbye, he lovingly covered her with a blanket and gave her a toy and a kiss.  He is so sweet with her that sometimes it honestly make me cry.  I know how important my relationship with my Daddy was to me and it makes me so happy to know that Caitlyn is going to have the same from Jon.  She's already melted his heart in the few short months she has been with us so I cannot imagine what a sucker she's going to turn him into when he comes home!  While a part of me is sad for Jonathan to be gone and ready for this deployment to just be over, I am also looking forward to watching Caitlyn grow and change and to see what kind of child she grows to be while he is gone.  I cannot wait for Jonathan to come home to her and see what an amazing kid she is and re-connect with her.  Well, here we are.  Officially on Deployment: Day 1.

A Moment

I just wanted to take a moment and say how thankful I am for everything and every one in my life.  Despite all of the drama surrounding Jonathan's deployment, I truly feel blessed to be living the life that I am.  I have a loving husband, a marriage that is getting stronger by the day and the most precious baby girl.  Caitlyn has such an infectious smile.  When she smiles and giggles, I melt and I can't help but have a heart filled with joy.  Even in my weakest moments and her fussiest moods, I still find happiness in my time with her.  She has taught me so much in her short little life so far that I never thought possible.  I never realized how much our children teach us and I honestly believe it is just as much, if not more than what we teach them.  I have been humbled in becoming a mother and I will never be the same woman I was before her (nor do I care to be that woman).  I am thankful for all of the support our family has been shown and for everyone who I know I can count on in the near future.

"A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice - especially when she's taking a nap."

The New Year

Looking back on 2008, it was one hell of a year. I had one of my biggest heartbreaks ever and I also got the best gift from God, our daughter Caitlyn. The whole year, though, there was a dark cloud looming over us for 2009. We kept saying "Next year, when you're deployed..." but now I'm afraid it's this year. Monday begins our 18 month long journey of deployment and I hope the time goes by very quickly. Looking forward to 2009, I have a few resolutions. Now, I've never been one to make a list of them and I've done the typical "lose weight" or "work out" ones but this year is different for me and here's how:

1) Always clean the peanut butter knife. This is more figuratively speaking but every morning I have peanut butter waffles for breakfast. So, if the sink is empty and the first thing I put in there is the peanut butter knife, then I would like for it to be cleaned by the end of the day. That means I have to un-earth it from the sinkful of dishes which in turn means I would be going to bed each day with the dishes done. This is something I want to spill over into other areas of housework, though. I'd really love to be able to knock something major off my cleaning list each day but in the meantime, I'll just keep working on that peanut butter knife.

2) Stick to a budget and grocery shop with CASH. Anyone who has been around me lately has probably noticed my obsession with shopping cheap and using coupons. I have my sister-in-law to thank for finding the Grocery Game website and starting this obsession but I've taken it to a whole new level. As much as I try to remind myself that it's not a good deal for me if I blow my budget, I'm just not as careful when I know I have money in bank accounts I can spend as I am if there is a limited amount of cash. I tried this out one week in December and I rocked it. I even had $7 left over for Jon to get himself some lottery tickets with for his stocking (I thought he might like to pick them). So, if I can get everything straightened out to work off of cash, that would make me oh-so-happy.

3) In tying in with number 2 on my list, I don't want to pay a SINGLE bill even ONE DAY late. I am grown adult and I should be responsible enough to make this happen, even if I have 35 different payments to make in one month (and that's happened!).

4) ORGANIZATION!!! Which is key to numbers 2 and 3. I am going to invest in some more storage containers. They have been my best investment thus far with household items and with Caitlyn growing out of 6-9 month sized clothing now, I'm in great need of more! Some may say I have an obsession with them if they saw my garage but I don't care. I know where everything is and I know I've gotten rid of anything and everything I can (minus the items in the "Garage Sale/Donation" containers).

5) Weight Loss. Yep, the typical weight loss goal but not quite-so-typical. I want to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight and then go from there. I usually set a goal of "Lose 40 pounds this year!" and it's no wonder that I fail. That's a lot of pressure to think about mapping out your weight loss for a whole year! Let's start with the remaining 15 pounds and then we'll get it figured out. It's not like I have a personal trainer or nutritionist here!

Well, I guess Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!!!

A few pictures from today and more to come tomorrow!  Caitlyn really got into grabbing the ribbons and wrapping paper!  =)

Grabbing the paper....

It was a bumbo seat!!!  What's next?!

She picked up this bag and starting pulling the tissue out all by herself!

Merry Christmas!!!

Oh, Christmas Tree

I haven't been very festive this year since it took us forever to find time to put the tree up but I thought I would post a few pics of what we have managed to do!

The tree:  The kitties love it but aren't wild about where we put all the ornaments.  They keep knocking them off and stealing them.  Hey, anything they can do to help, right?!

A few shots of Caitlyn the day we went to our Christmas Party:

And a little bit of crafting fun:

Happy Holidays!

CAT Scan

Caitlyn has had a lump on her stomach that we noticed when she was about 4 weeks old.  The Dr. told us to wait and watch it and that he felt it was a "Hemangioma".  We watched.  We waited.  It got bigger.  I brought it up again at her 4 Month check up and he agreed that it had grown significantly.  I also brought to his attention a bump she's had on the top/back of her head for a few weeks (could have been longer but we hadn't noticed it).  He decided to refer us to a pediatric surgeon for further examination of both the lump and the bump.  We had our appointment with the surgeon today and he wants a CAT scan for her head to be sure it's nothing deeper than what we see.  He said it's possible it could be a Hemangioma as well, in which case they may want to scan all of her to make sure she doesn't have more of those internally, such as in her organs.  While I'm sure she is fine and healthy, I still can't help but be worried about her.  It's what mommies do!!!

Grandmother's Poems

It is one thing to know your Grandmother and spend time with her as she is today but it is completely another to read something she wrote 70 years ago.  All of my grandparents passed away before my 19th birthday, with three of them passing by the time I was 6 years old.  I have been fortunate to have some of my Grandmother's poetry sent to me and I think it's beautiful... and therefore I would like to share it.  I think poetry is like a window to the person's heart and soul.  I think this has helped me to really get to know her and I feel a whole new connection to her!

FRIENDSHIP 

Friendship is a silver star

Whose beauty lives

Forever—

Sending forth a loyal gleam

To all who live, and love

And dream.

  

Friendship is a crimson rose

Which flourished in the morn

And continuously grows

Since the day love was born.

 

Laughter is its fragrant petals

Permeating the atmosphere;

Personality’s charm, its radiant hue

Creating a hearty cheer.

 

Loyalty is its slender stem

Which holds it straight and tall;

Faith is the verdant, tender leaf;

And love, the root, the all.

 

Martha Virginia Clarke

South Miami, Florida 1934

MYSTERY 

I’ve never been abroad

I’ve never crossed the sea

But certain am I of its lure—

Adventure beacons me!

 

I’ve often thought on life

I’ve never found its key—

But conscious am I of a wealth

Of hidden mystery---

 

Martha Virginia Clarke

South Miami, Florida 1933

REVELATION 

I looked unto heaven tonight

With a prayer in my heart,

But a mass of white

Moon-drenched clouds

Obstructed the view.

 

Then suddenly there came a wind

Which dashed them all apart

Leaving a circle of clear blue

In whose center appeared a star

That cast its beacon light

Of hope into my heart..

 

Martha Virginia Clarke

South Miami, Florida 1933

MEMORIES

 

Those we love remain with us

For love itself lives on,

And cherished memories never fade

Because a loved one’s gone!

 

Those we love can never be

More than a thought apart

For as long as there is memory

They’ll live on in our heart!

Martha Virginia Clarke

WELLS

 

 

There are wells from which we may draw

A continuous supply

Of clear, pure water with which to quinch

Our physical thirst.

 

There are intellectual wells from which

We may receive

Stimulating thoughts, aspirations,

And high ideals.

 

There is a great spiritual well from which,

Should we partake,

Will satisfy the deepest longing of our soul,

For we then know God.

 

Martha Virginia Clarke

South Miami, Florida  Summer, 1933

NIGHT

 

Night is a duchess

Robed in black velvet;

Glittering stars

are crystal jewels

adorning her hair,

And the moon—a touch

In her hand—

Lights her way.

Martha Virginia Clarke

We've Moved (and we're settled)!

While I may still post an occasional blog on Myspace and an even more occasional note on Facebook, I think I would like to make this my new home for my thoughts.  Myspace has felt childish to me for awhile but it’s where all of my friends are so I have issues leaving it behind.  I also realized that I’ve been blogging on there since about the time I got married and man, that seems forever ago!  My brother-in-law and his wife started a blog at blogspot and I learned about wordpress through that.  After blogsstalking several people, I feel like this is a place where Jonathan and I can have a joint blog and profile and thus I invite you to check back regularly and enjoy.  After seeing that wordpress is completely user un-friendly and has a very small limit on picture upload without upgrade, I decided to give this a shot.  So far I like it!!!

About the title:  Serendiptiy was the movie Jonathan and I watched on our first date.  It means fate or “the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for” .  I was certainly not looking for my soulmate on our first date but I found him…